God, where are you?

I can’t feel God’s presence. I can’t hear His voice. I sit with Him and stay in Him but He doesn’t speak or even sigh. I knock at the door and He doesn’t answer. There is no movement of my soul, there is just pain and suffering there. For me, suffering of the heart and soul is worse than bodily suffering. When longing to feel God, it’s hard to measure what pain is coming from the heart versus the soul. The heart is lost and in anguish. It needs its source to love. The soul is dead without Him and needs movement. The soul to live has to have motion, so it seems my souls is dying. I would guess Jesus's heart has suffered the most pain from His passion. The thought of all the times He was hit, kicked, scourged, spit on, denied, and hated when all He did was love. So as my heart aches, I will comfort your heart, Lord. I will press in to your heart.

I know I’m not worthy of being in your presence Lord, may I so kindly approach you? Blessed Mother you have never left your Son's heart. You have felt every pain He has. May I be the thread you use to mend your son’s heart? I want to be immersed into each layer of His adorable heart. I want to protect, love, console and cherish it. I want to be meshed into His heart and let His love purify me. When I am purified and all that’s left is love, let that love remaining be all Him as I pray that I’m totally Immersed into Him, eternally. Oh Mother can you beg your Son that I can be that thread you use to mend His broken heart? Let us console and mend His heart of all the blasphemes, all the outrages, the denials and the hatred that’s broken His Sacred Heart.

Aridity and consolation are a part of the spiritual life. God gives consolation to reward us for our faith and acts of love towards Him. In turn, God gives us aridity when He wants to mature our faith and love for Him and purify us. Each person's spiritual life is tailored to what they need to gain salvation and what God is calling them to. Many of the saints describe their own anguish and suffering when going through aridity and how they persevered. Here is a beautiful way to look at aridity from St. Therese of Lisieux.

“I must tell you about my retreat for [religious] profession. Far from experiencing any consolation, complete aridity — desolation, almost — was my lot. Jesus was asleep in my little boat as usual. How rarely souls let Him sleep peacefully within them. Their agitation and all their requests have so tired out the Good Master that He is only too glad to enjoy the rest I offer Him. I do not suppose He will wake up until my eternal retreat, but instead of making me sad, it makes me very happy. Such an attitude of mind proves that I am far from being a saint. I should not rejoice in my aridity, but rather consider it as the result of lack of fervor and fidelity, while the fact that I often fall asleep during meditation or while making my thanksgiving should appall me. Well, I am not appalled; I bear in mind that little children are just as pleasing to their parents asleep as awake, that doctors put their patients to sleep while they perform operations, and that after all, ‘the Lord knoweth our frame. He remembereth that we are but dust." St. Therese, "Story of a Soul"

So the bottom line is don't worry and don't let up! Keep knocking on Jesus's door! Increase your prayer. Push through and show God you will love Him no matter what. Call on your guardian angel for help and ask the saints to help you. From the looks of the quote below, a good one to ask is St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

“If I ever become a saint — I will surely be one of ‘darkness.’ I will continually be absent from heaven — to light the light of those in dark on Earth.” Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

St. Teresa...Pray for us!